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Preface: Dream Big |
I never thought I would do a second CD. Most people who
meet me think I come across as a confident person; a person
who is very sure about herself. This is not always the case.
At the Women¡¯s Retreat this year, one of the questions asked
by the speaker was ¡°What name are you carrying with you
that is not from God?¡± Hmmm ¡¦. Not pretty enough¡¦Not smart
enough¡¦??? For me, I felt I wasn¡¯t good enough musically.
The speaker said, ¡° We are his beloved and its time
for us to claim that identity instead of listening to
the world¡¯s identity¡±. The theme of the retreat was from
Isaiah 43:1B. Unfortunately my heart was heavy, burdened
with the identity given by the world. I did not feel good
about myself at all and wanted to crawl away and hide.
But God spoke to me. He said, ¡°Grace, I am breaking you
to set you free, not to shame you.¡± But it was hard to
accept that I was His beloved.
We were broken into groups. My group leader continued
with the theme. ¡°Confess the names that you carry¡±. I
couldn¡¯t do it. It was too hard for me to share. In my
group they were all leaders. I was too humiliated and
scared to open my mouth. I had never felt this way before
and it was uncharacteristically hard for me to speak up.
Our next objective was for us to expand the discussion
based on the first question. This time, God was leading
me. I expressed my feelings and the tears just flowed.
That was the beginning. I had to make a conscious effort
to accept my identity as His beloved and not the name
that I have been carrying for myself.
One week later, I made a promise to God that I would
make HIM known through the gifts that HE had given me.
My gift was the writing of songs. Suddenly, I felt free.
Excited about my assignments ahead, (whatever they were).
My roommate from the retreat asked me to write songs about
Psalms. I decided that God¡¯s dreams are big dreams. I
looked forward to being part of accomplishing these dreams
but had yet to comprehend how I would be part of fulfilling
them.
God was quietly paving the way. Two weeks after the retreat,
my husband Ken was entertaining a business associate from
Korea and at the time let him listen to my first CD. When
this gentleman heard it, he wanted to know ¡°when¡¯s your
wife¡¯s next CD coming out?¡± Ken replied, ¡°When someone
finances it!¡± To my surprise, this man said he would do
it!
What?! Is he pulling my leg?? Actually I said ¡°is he
drunk¡±?, Meant no offense, I was just shocked! Turns out,
he was not drunk. He just liked my CD He also had in mind
a Korean singer to sing some of the songs. Oh wow! Is
this an answer to my prayers or what? The dream to make
HIS name known goes on. The singer he had in mind is a
Christian. Her mother is a graphic artist/cellist/editor
for the Korean version of this CD! I had 3 goals. The
first was to make an English version, the second a Korean
version and last but not least to hold concerts. The first
2 are done and we are praying for the third. I know that
God is paving the way!
In making this CD my life has been touched by so many
people. Doors are opening all over. God is paving the
way. I am ever so grateful and I have learned so much
. I now KNOW that I am HIS BELOVED. DREAM BIG and BELIEVE!
I want to thank God for the His faithfulness and the
volunteers for their joyful services unto the Lord. We
are thankful for the opportunity to serve.
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